I would have to say that this is probably the number one primary thing I teach clients how to do. To change your belief system of “not good enough” to learning to love themselves in a genuine, heartfelt way so that it becomes part of their belief system. I AM LOVE. Can you mess up the right relationship if you don’t love yourself? You can, if you’re not emotionally ready to create a healthy partnership. The issues you haven’t worked through from childhood on will continuously get in the way of love, causing a breakdown in the way you and your partner relate. Instead of joy and harmony, there will be struggle and pain. Why is that?
One reason is that we all are energy and like attracts like. If we are coming from a subconscious place of not good enough, lack of self love and self respect, we will energetically attract someone who will treat us as such. Our relationships are our mirrors to our deeper self. It’s also how we treat others how to treat us. When we genuiley love and have good self worth, we will have boundaries about what we want, what we will allow and not allow in our relationships. If we are looking on the outside for someone else to make us feel worthy and lovable we will have weak boundaries, people please and be afraid of rejection.
As long as you keep shunning, criticizing, judging, and hating parts of yourself, you will project those unloved parts onto others. You will stay stuck in a vicious pattern of attracting unhealthy partners who need saving. In short, people who are hurting and who are unable to love you or anyone else.
Or, if you actually do meet a stable partner who is capable of a healthy relationship, you will reject his or her love. (I did that once) You will feel unworthy of them because you have not fully loved yourself first. And you will probably find them not attractive. We are always looking for a partner to confirm our belief systems.
But, once you get clear of where this lack of self love came from and the belief patterns you developed, you can change your belief systems – and you can embrace all of you – that’s when things start to happen and shift, and it happens quickly. Because once you have that unconditional love for yourself, you will no longer put yourself in unhealthy situations nor will others remarks or situations cause you to feel inadequate and less than. It all begins with loving the creation we are. All of us. Weaknesses, character defects we are working on, and our strong points.
All it takes is a conscious commitment and the the tools to shift the unconscious programming that has kept you stuck going from one relationship to the next.
Just like the story of Sisyphus, the “love gene” is a myth. The only one who can doom you to a life of unreachable love is yourself – If you don’t love all of you.
Debbie Sherrick/Codependency Coach 