Getting back to our story, Jacob was very much in love with Rachel, but was tricked by her manipulative father into marrying her older sister Leah first. The two sisters constantly competed for their husbands love and attention. Leah was the loser right from the start which set her up for shame and feeling “not good enough”. Jacob never loved or wanted her. Rachel now deeply resented her. So Leah also suffered major abandonment and feelings of rejection. We can only imagine her pain.
In Genesis, it says that God saw that Leah was not loved and had compassion on her. He gave her children to love, something Rachel could not have.Leah was thrilled. She thought by producing Jacobs first heir, she would somehow earn his love and respect. She cried, “The Lord has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now” She already was set up to be codependent when her father deceived Jacob into marrying the daughter he did not love. Now, she is spending her waking hours and days trying to win the love of someone who is not able or willing to love her. Sounding familiar? Yet, she will keep trying over and over to win his love. As the story goes on, she gave Jacob 3 sons and each time said “Now at last, my husband will love and become attached to me because I have given him 3 sons. But Jacob’s feelings for Leah never changed. He continued to reject her and give his love and attention to Rachel.
Many of us can identify with Leah’s heartbreak. Our circumstances may be different, but we too, have experienced rejection and the lack of love from someone who was not available. It may have been a parent, or a partner we chose. We may have tried everything we could think of to win their approval and love. Maybe by becoming super achievers, walking on eggshells, becoming doormats, excepting abuse, making excuses for their behavior, and continuing to strive to win their love. It becomes very exhausting , frustrating and painful. All the while, not realizing that we deserve to be loved and cherished in the same manner that we love them. It doesn’t dawn on us that trying to force someone to love us is like “going to the hardware store and trying to buy a loaf of bread”. Its just not there. Yet we will keep trying over and over to win their love, jumping through hoops——only to discover, you can’t make someone love and respect you. It must begin with us loving and respecting ourselves first.
With the birth of her fourth son, Leah had a revelation. She said simply, “This time, I will put the focus on God and praise Him” She decided to let go and let God. To look to him for her worth and love. To ask him to fill her cup with his undying, unconditional love. She had what I call a light bulb moment! I love when those times happen and we make a shift emotionally and spiritually. When we realize that we first have to allow God to love us so that we can see ourselves through His eyes and come to love ourselves as his creation and realize He wants to bring us to the realization how special we are and that we deserve His best. To not settle.
This is my goal for my coda clients when working with them. To bring them eventually to that place of higher consciousness of believing in themselves and to teach them how to become empowered and fill their own cups with the love of God and themselves . In this way, will we attract healthier, loving relationships.
Today, ask yourself for some awareness in this area. Do you find yourself trying to win others love and approval? Why? Is there someone in your life right now that makes you feel unworthy of love and respect when you are with them? This may be the day that you make a conscious decision to focus on the truth of God’s love for you and realize that you too are worthy of love and respect. It begins with you.
Healthy Blessings,
Debbie Sherrick
Wellness Coach
Coda coaching
www.insideoutwellnesscoach.com