Codependents can have alot of expectation. We can expect someone to be a certain way so we can be ok. Or you may try to control your day, people, situations, expecting people and things to be a certain way. It only sets you up for disappointment. The one constant in our lives is change. Yet instead of embracing change, most of us fight it and have expectations – expectations about what our day should look like, about ourselves, our lives, our partners, our children, etc. Those expectations increase our stress and set us up for disappointment.
In living our lives from a place of expectation, we set ourselves up for stress and disappointment partially because we lose our ability to adapt. Everyday most of us get up with a plan for our day. It starts very young, when we enter into school. We get up, get dressed, eat breakfast, and head out the door to school. After school we might have appointments or sports, head home, have dinner, do homework, and then off to bed. Day after day, life looks the same. This program of life continues from school into work life. We unconsciously develop an expectation of what our days and life look like. We model ourselves around these expectations, and it spills into every corner of our lives.
For instance, once we get to know people, we ‘expect’ them to be that particular person all the time. We don’t give people the space to change; we don’t give them permission to have moods or become someone different. Our expectation of them sets the relationship up for stress and disappointment – because inevitably, everyone changes. Everyone has challenges in their life – everyone has good days and bad days. Allow people to ‘show’ you who they are today and then adapt. That can be as simple as enjoying their good mood, or staying away if they are in a bad mood. This allowing for change on your part, can dramatically improve your life and your relationships. Don’t ‘expect’ people to be any particular way – other than a human being with good and bad days.
Take this same concept and apply it to your life. Don’t expect your day to be a certain way – allow your day to show you what it is going to be. Allow things ‘not’ to go according to plan. Accept that each day is going to look different, and then discover your challenges become easier to handle. Realize that you as a person are going to have good days and bad days. Don’t expect yourself to ‘perform’ the same on your bad days as you do on your good days. And love yourself even more on the bad days – because those are the days you need it most.
Releasing your expectations of the day, of yourself and of others helps you to live in the moment. You begin to accept people where they are, and to embrace the beauty of them. It opens the door for you to love, appreciate and enjoy yourself and others so much more. Learn to look at changes as opportunities – whether happy or challenging.
Now of course it’s normal to make plans for your day, this allows you to create some structure for what needs to get done. Your goal is to make plans without having rigid expectations for the outcome. Rigid expectations come from a desire to control. Release control and learn to go with the ‘flow of change’. The more flexible you become the more likely your mood, your energy and your emotions will remain positive – and you begin to love the life you live. 
Love, DebbieSherrick/codependencycoach