Drama does not make relationships more exciting! It just seems that way at times. Sometimes, relationships with our loved ones can feel like a rollercoaster ride we just can’t seem to get off of. Relationships can raise us to our highest highs or plummet us to our lowest lows. We all have those times when we just can not come to a peaceful agreement with someone we care deeply about.
One thing I think we do need to realize is that we don’t have to do it alone. I have found, as others, that God and our angels are always ready for us to ask for their assistance and help. For healing to take place, we need to look and see things from a higher conscious place so we dont get blogged down in our petty ego conflicts. God and our angels can easily see the big picture and know our self defeating patterns. We have a hard time seeing ourselves objectively sometimes. They can give us the strength we need to look at conflict differently.
One of our most common reasons for relationship conflict is our strong defense mechanisms. I tell clients to remember the two D’s. Don’t DEBATE and don’t DEFEND. It will save alot of arguments if you apply these two rules. Conflict often comes from low self-esteem or how a person really feels about themselves. For example, if a person believes they are flawed and unlovable, they can behave in unloving ways. I remember an old pastor of mine that I loved dearly and learned so much from use to say “people need loving the most when they deserve it the least” He was one of the most loving men I have ever known when it came to loving others unconditionally.
And yet, this is only part of it. It’s not just how we act, but how we react to others too. It’s these beliefs about ourselves that put us on the defense when someone pushes the right buttons. We want to blame them for “making us feel that way, or over-reacting”. No one can make us feel bad. They just plugged into a negative belief we have about ourselves.
Recognizing our negative patterns and behavior is a great first step toward healing. Sometimes the things we despise in others are things we dont like in ourselves. One on my character defects I will share with you is perfectionism. I’m sooo much better with it than I was when I was younger. I think I have mellowed with it as I get older, but I still struggle with it. I attribute it to growing up in a home where achieving and striving for perfection were expected from my Dad and how I received approval from him. Also, being the oldest child in a dysfunctional home I became the hero child with the message I had to be perfect and rescue and care take the rest of the family. I am also a Virgo who’s trait is to be a perfectionist. I am my own worst critic and find myself at times demanding perfection from myself. I have to watch that I don’t expect that from others also. We all have our shadow side that we have to embrace and except a work on, and ask God to help us. Thank goodness, He says “when we are weak, he is strong!”
I believe from my own experience and watching others transform, is that it is through love and forgiveness that we actually close the gap. The angelic mantra for relationships is “love more, forgive more’ (of course we dont continue to do this if someone is continuing to emotionally, verbally or physically abusing us over and over and refusing to make changes) In rising above day to day power struggles, I encourage you to use the strength of love and forgiveness as the ultimate band-aid. If we adopt an attitude of compassion in our relationships, we can clearly see that any negativity is just a cry for more love.
The gift of love can cut right through all the conflict that exists between people. Love covers a multitude of wrong doing.
I believe through prayer, God and our angels will bring us guidance and courage to forgive those who have hurt us . We just have to believe and ask.