I have never been more afraid than 21 years ago when I filed for divorce to end my dysfunctional, codependent marriage. My husband had relapsed back into his prison of addiction and was never around. I had 4 small children, and had been a homemaker and stay home Mom to my children. I felt so trapped and terrified. How would I ever make it on my own with my kids and survive? Yet, I had enough faith, and was so tired of being sick and tired, that I knew I could not be true to myself and stay in this unhealthy situation. I had been through enough Al-anon, private therapy, and was running a coda group at my church, to know I could not change the person who is hurting themselves or me. So I ignored my fear and just acted as if.
I trust and believe that everything happens for a reason, even when we can’t see it at the time or even when it is that apparent. I knew I was acting out my belief system about relationships from my childhood. I knew I was re-creating and trying to fix my childhood pain. What I did not realize at the time, was that this person was my greatest messenger to teach me so many lessons about myself. To this day, I am very grateful for that relationship and for all that he taught me. It is and was because of that pain, that I am who I am today and have the passion and empathy to work with codependency clients. I love teaching others to heal from the Inside Out. I love encouraging you to believe in your self and how wonderfully, powerful, and loveable you really are.
Now whenever pain or something uncomfortable comes my way, I ask, “What is this here to teach me?” “What am I not seeing?” I trust the answer will come because it is always about us, and not the other person. When we ask with all sincerity for God to show us our truth, He never fails.
All difficult, painful times ask the question, Who are you really? What are we really made of and what is the outcome I would like to see out of this for myself? It is up to each of us to get very still and say “This is who I am.” “This is what I want” “This is what I deserve and I refuse to settle”. No one else defines your life. Only you do.
My messenger taught me to say NO! He taught me that I teach people how to treat me and how to set personal boundaries in the beginning of relationships, to not play the victim role and blame, to learn that my happiness comes from inside myself and not from anyone else, that I can not make someone available to me who just isnt capable, and that when I respect myself, others will treat me like wise. Our relationships are our greatest mirror to our true selves, if we will just take a look. During these times, we get to see who we really are. And the journey continues, as we have more and more opportunities to step up higher, as we become more and more healthy mind, body and spirit, as being healthy is about taking care of ourselves emotionally, spiritually, and loving our bodies enough to treat it with love by eating the right foods and exercising, etc.
So who has been or who is at this time your messenger? Don’t waste time becoming bitter and resentful, blaming and playing victim. This messenger is in your life to teach you many lessons. I believe we actually attract our messengers on a sub-conscious level, to heal our souls.
Do you trust the ebb and flow of the Universe? Do you trust that life is bigger than what you can see?
I trust that there is a divine order beyond my control. And I have learned through many messengers, that no matter what happens, I will be alright. Don’t shoot the messenger. They are in your life to help you grow.
Healthy Blessings,
Debbie Sherrick
Wellness/Coda Coach
